"Stunned silence on shore was replaced with relief when Frenchy surfaced from the thigh-deep water covered in lily pads, Falstaff still in hand.
"Looking around, he marveled, 'Man, I didn't know it was so deep I could stand up!'"
Sound the alert
After a lighthearted mention of DEFCON-1, the most severe military alert (signaling impending nuclear war), Russ Wise, of LaPlace, reports that the Capitol Correspondents Association's Gridiron Show also used the word:
"With a new administration, we had lots of stuff to make fun of. One of my favorite lines, from a skit where officials at LSU were worried that what was once politically correct had to be changed to confirm with more conservative viewpoints.
"The reporter playing the part of the LSU chancellor told three deans that, 'It's a JEFFCON-1 situation.'"
Dead reckoning
Ruth Barnes says, "When I was a youngster in Massachusetts, I was heading with my family to a July 4th fireworks display.
"As we passed a funeral home, I looked up and was startled by a sign: 'In by 10; out by 5. We clean.'
"Then I noticed the dry cleaner next door 鈥"
Sanford Wood adds, "In Eunice, a street terminates at the cemetery. A sign in front of the cemetery says 'Dead End.' You can't make this stuff up!"
Clean story
After we mentioned that "Hoover" was once a name covering all vacuum cleaners, Faye Guidry reminds us of another popular brand:
"When I introduced my husband Kirby to my bridge partner, he said, 'Just remember the vacuum cleaner.'
"The next time she saw him, she said, 'Hi, Hoover!'鈥
Smart talk
Gary Damar茅, of Marrero, says, "My wife Connie, now retired, was an extremely dedicated teacher and assistant principal for 40-plus years.
"When academics were discussed among family and friends I would emphasize her hard work and academic achievements: She finished summa cum laude in both high school and college, with perfect attendance in high school.
"Always the next question was how did I finish? My response was always the same: I finished magna cum lucky!"
Say what?
"Years ago, when I was a restaurant manager, I was working an off-site affair we were catering," says Tom Pyburn.
"Toward the end of the event one of the workers approached me about getting paid. He told me he was 'under the influence' he would be paid in cash that night.
"It was all I could do to keep a straight face!"
Devil's tool
Algie Petrere, of Central, came across this seasonal tale:
"I decided to buy my husband a new vise-grip wrench for his birthday.
"I went to the hardware store and asked the salesman, 'Do you have any heavy-duty vises?'
"'Sorry, ma'am,' he replied. 'I gave them all up for Lent.'"
Write Smiley at Smiley@theadvocate.com. He can also be reached by mail at P.O. Box 2304, 香港六和开奖历史记录, LA 70821.
