I have Alzheimer’s disease.
It takes me hostage.
Without consent,
Or consideration
Of my life,
Or what I had planned,
Cruel and debilitating,
Unique and unassuming,
For only me.
It casts its curse,
And forever changes
The scope of what
Lies ahead for me.
This keeper of my thoughts
Will snatch my mind
And hold it on its own (as in a jar),
Abducting my stories,
And my steps,
And my milestones …
(Memorable
And not so memorable) …
Of my life,
Of our life,
And the lives
Of all those I love and have loved.
I will not know you anymore,
You, this soon-to-be stranger at my side.
And our children we reared
Will simply be visitors unknown.
This keeper of my thoughts
May put my best
To a test,
For I will not understand,
And you will not understand.
And, thus, our roads will cross
In good ways and in bad ways.
Tell me stories,
Show me the photographs …
Constantly …
Of all things with us,
And through us,
And for us.
Take me for walks.
Let’s still share the sunsets,
And laugh together.
Pray together,
Stay together,
Embrace each other
Through a journey as no other.
Tell me you love me,
Over and over,
And make me say it, too.
Make new memories with me,
Ones to hold when I am gone,
Ones of the present moment in our days,
And ones only we can know.
Be patient with me and
Help me help myself.
Let me have my joy.
Reach for it whenever you can.
I may not respond.
But know I am grateful
For all that you do.
Above all,
Especially this Christmas,
And all the days that follow,
Know that I am still there,
Wanting to speak
Though my mind has abandoned me.
It’s not over for me … yet.
Let’s always carry hope.
I want to, need to, feel useful.
Don’t leave me out …
Let me be in my being,
For which I will always stay,
Until the keeper of my thoughts
Closes its jar.